Ok so a good friend of mine finally managed to get me to go along to Weight Watchers.
Bold move on my part, if you saw me you'd probably ask....WHY? And to answer that is a bit of a long story which I won't bother you with... oh ok I will then.
Many moons ago about 17 or 18 or was that 20 years I dont know but it was a long time ago, I was the chubby kid at school. The one the P.E teacher picked on, the one that got picked last for everything, the one that if they HAD to chose me they also got to pick someone else as well. As if having an extra person on their team was going to make a difference. Dicks!!! anyway... I was rather large, 5 foot 7 inches of pure lard. I weighed in at somewhere around 90 odd kilo and was the butt of most jokes that went around school. I wore a size 92 pant and even that was tight. Once I left school however the weight dropped faster than a fast thing. I had Ab's... was slender and had some muscle definition. All of that changed about a year ago. There was an event in Christchurch, a series of Earthquakes and the work started to drop off and the weight started to creep back on. Now I've heard about the carrot and corn fairy, that mysterious little creature that tops up your stomach with carrots and corn the night before a big night out on the turps. Everone at some stage has experienced this little bastard. You've just downed 8 tequila slammers and need to get the vile substance out of you again and afterwards...standing there wiping your mouth, doing the drunken spit or picking chunks out of your hair (if it's long enough and that "friend" you have didn't hold your hair back) there's always carrots and corn... no matter what... I just dont get it... even if you haven't eaten carrots or corn for months, it's there. But back to this bastardy "Fat Fairy" who seems to be adding to my waistline and ass, I've had to revert to my much loved "Fat Jeans" the ones saved for special occassions like washing day when they're the last pair of pants left because everything else is dirty, but god are they comfortable. The Ab's are gone and have been replaced by one of those mini kegs. Dad had one of those, except he looked like pooh bear. Which leads me into the next bit about weight issues. My family.
I'll put it into perspective. I'm Grandchild 48 of about 200 (well that was the count at the last family reunion and they keep breeding) it's a big Maori family, Big might not be the best word, there's a genetic trait that seems to run in the family, heart disease, type two diabetes, heart failure and very few seem to be less than 100kg. Everytime I went up to see them over the last 8 years they were always trying to feed me up, along with anyone else that was less than the weight of a minivan. Needless to say they're all rather large and I can see myself starting to creep back up into the higher weight range and possibly one day be one of them, sitting round waiting for the next game of housie to start and complaining about why lunch or dinner is taking to long to cook.
So getting back to what I originally started on about, weight watchers, joining and having the biggest JESUS FUCKING CHRIST moment in a long time. With WW you point your food, every food has a point value and you're allocated so many points for the day. Now they dont tell you want you can eat, but if you over indulge then you use more points and therefore have to resort to 0 point foods. Coolness... it was working out for me really well. I'm allowed 36 points in a day and then there are 49 points for splurging each week. Excellent. So Friday afternoon I've had it all explained to me I've started to track my intake of food ... 8 points for coffee's for the day... cool, I can handle that. My main meal is dinner at night so that leaves me with 28 points for the rest of the day. I made the conscience decision not to use my weeklies as I could use them if I decide to do a 3am maccers run... Boss burger 19pps... cheese burger something like 8pps. Sweet 28 points and I know I'll probably need them for my grandmothers cooking... it's either burnt to a crisp, boiled to shit or deep fried. But wait a minute its Friday and that means... AWWW YEAH... FRIDAY NIGHT BURGERS....Bacon, egg and cheese burger. yup been looking forward to that all day. Excellent.... So I get home, get some money and go round to the chippie and get the friday night meal.... come home, sit down eat it and then remember I have to point it.... YOU FUCKING WHAT....16 points... gone... one meal.... SHIT! and I'm still hungry.. FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!. 12 points left..... no wait I had another coffee on my way to work... better add that one.... there goes another 4 and then there was one after work.... bye bye another 4... 4 points left, wonder what I can find worth 4 points at home?...looking...looking then it dawns....shit wait a minute they weren't trim milk... CRAP! there goes my final 4 points....0 points left for the day... tempting to start in on the weeklies but... it's only day one and I don't know if the leader is going to want to see my tracker book.... I guess it's apples and oranges for me for the rest of the day.... is it midnight yet?
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